Life is a rollercoaster ...

As many of you know, I can be a thrill seeker & I love riding rollercoasters - the faster, the scarier = the better!

Over this past weekend, I have come to the conclusion that more and more each day, life is a rollercoaster, but it's a rollercoaster that I do not like. Each day in our life we are going to face battles, we're going to face our ups & downs. It's very hard to comprehend and move forward, but we must try.

I've been going thru many battles over the past year -- physical/health conditions, professional battles, spiritual battles, personal & emotional battles. Each battle has its own set of circumstances that only myself can understand. Each battle I have to face differently as no two battles are just alike. At times, I've pondered giving up, running away from all my problems. But what's that going to accomplish? You'll only take your battles with you. You can't ever truly escape from them. There's no point to give up on something you believe in. You have to dig deep, pull from way down deep within your soul and FIGHT for what you believe in, no matter the cost, no matter the pain. If it's something you truly want & truly believe in, you HAVE to fight for it to the bitter end.

This past weekend, I was low, very, very low. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, I was a wide range of emotions, but mainly I was just sad, hurt, and very, very confused. I mustered enough strength to help my Mom literally rip a dead limb off the tree (I became known as Hurricane Meredith for my sheer brute strength). But even with that fun (yes, I do consider acting like a monkey & destroying dead limbs, fun), I couldn't be pacified, I couldn't be truly happy because deep within I was hurting. Even today, I'm still carrying the pain, the hurt, the bewilderment, the utmost confusion. Will it ever be cleared? I don't know, but I hope and pray so. It doesn't take much to help me understand -- communication, to me, is vital. Communication doesn't necessarily mean talking -- it can be talking, sure, but it can also include just spending time together, even in silence, working on projects, hugs, words of affirmation & appreciation. All we need in life is clarity & to feel loved, cared for & appreciated.

Yesterday during church, it was so appropriate that our sermon was on facing the storms in our lives. I'll admit I cried for most of the service, as that's all I've been doing for the whole weekend. But the sermon really touched me. I'd been praying, even before the sermon, for God's strength to get me thru my struggles, to provide answers. The sermon yesterday just touched me even more. I have to rely on God to get me thru this, I have to rely on Him to touch other people's hearts & open their eyes. He is the only one that can truly heal our wounds. I just laid it all out for Him to take care of and I can just only hope it works because after a period of time, there's only so much you can take. To make matters even more interesting, I had already been assigned to play the piano during the evening service. I don't get as nervous as I used to as a kid, but last night, I was nervous beyond belief. Here I am trying to recover from some ongoing trauma, I can't go hardly 10 minutes without crying & I have to get in front of the entire church and play the piano. Praise the Lord, God helped me thru. Even with a piano that is greatly out of tune, I still managed to survive and get thru my song, "Here Am I, Lord" -- that's my prayer. I am here, I am broken, I am humbled, I am close to being at my lowest. God is here, God will always be here and God will help me!

So even though I personally get a thrill out of riding rollercoasters, the rollercoasters of life are too much of a stress. They're not as fun, but with God's help we can overcome all rollercoasters. Just reach out to those around you. You never know when someone may need your help, and if you're holding back on things, talk to those around you, it may be what they need to get thru the day.